Running Effective 1:1s: A Tactical Guide for Engineering Leaders

“So, what’s on your mind?” It’s a simple question, but in the hands of a skilled engineering leader, it becomes the gateway to trust, motivation, and growth. 1:1s are your highest leverage tool as a manager, but only if you use them intentionally.

Too often, 1:1s devolve into status updates or vague check-ins. The real power of these meetings lies in creating a space for alignment, coaching, feedback, and psychological safety.

Purpose-Driven 1:1s: Why They Matter

A 1:1 is their meeting, not yours. It’s the space where your direct reports should feel comfortable sharing what’s working, what’s broken, and how they’re really doing.

Effective 1:1s offer several key benefits for both managers and their direct reports. They provide an opportunity to uncover potential blockers before they escalate into larger issues, allowing for timely intervention and support. These meetings help build mutual trust, creating an environment where candid feedback can flow in both directions. By fostering open communication, 1:1s strengthen alignment around individual growth, team goals, and shifting priorities. Most importantly, they create a safe space that supports psychological safety and sustained engagement, ensuring team members feel heard and valued.

People don’t leave companies; they leave managers. And managers who don’t listen rarely get heard.

Before the Meeting: Set Up for Success

A weekly or biweekly cadence is ideal. More frequent in fast-moving or high-stress environments.

Prep:

• Shared Agenda: Use a lightweight tool (e.g. Notion, Google Docs, Lattice) with a living agenda. Both parties should contribute topics.
• Themes to Track: Personal goals, team dynamics, workload, career growth, feedback.

Questions to Consider:

• What do I want to learn about their experience right now?
• Are there any behavior patterns I’ve noticed worth surfacing?

During the Meeting: Structure and Flow

Here’s a structure you can adapt:

1. Check In (5 min): Ask “How are you feeling this week?” or “What’s been energising/draining lately?”
2. Topics They Care About (10–15 min): Prioritise what they want to talk about: blockers, frustrations, ideas, questions, wins.
3. Feedback and Coaching (10–15 min):
   • Give timely, specific feedback.
   • Offer support or guidance (not solutions) on technical or interpersonal challenges.
   • Ask growth-oriented questions like “What skill do you want to build this quarter?”
4. Career and Growth (5–10 min):
   • Are they growing in the direction they want?
   • Check in on development goals or aspirations.
   • Document follow-ups to revisit.

Pro Tip: Don’t treat it like a checklist. Let it flow naturally and be prepared to throw the script away if something meaningful comes up.

Questions That Unlock Insight

Use these to go deeper.

About Work & Team:

• “What’s been frustrating you lately?”
• “If you had a magic wand, what’s one thing you’d change about our team?”

About You (the Manager):

• “What’s something I could be doing better as your manager?”
• “Have I given you enough clarity around priorities?”

About Growth:

• “Is your current work helping you grow?”
• “Where do you want to be in 6 months—and how can I help?”

About Motivation:

• “What kind of work energises you most?”
• “What’s a recent moment you felt proud of?”

Common Pitfalls (and How to Avoid Them)

• Mistake: Treating it as a status update
  • Fix: Status belongs in standups or async docs. Use 1:1s for human-level discussion.
• Mistake: Being unprepared or inconsistent
  • Fix: Show up with intention. Canceling or multitasking signals disinterest.
• Mistake: Not following up
  • Fix: Document key takeaways and follow through. Accountability builds trust.
• Mistake: Making it one-sided
  • Fix: Let them speak first, last, and the most.

Building a Long-Term Feedback Loop

• Track Trends: Over time, your 1:1 notes should reveal patterns—burnout risk, team dynamics, growth blockers.
• Create Feedback Rituals: Ask for feedback on 1:1s themselves. “Is this time valuable for you? Should we change the format?”
• Reinforce Progress: Acknowledge when someone has overcome a blocker, improved a skill, or leaned into a challenge. Don’t let growth go unrecognised.

Conclusion

Great 1:1s are where leadership actually happens. They’re not about control; they’re about connection, context, and coaching.

Start with small improvements; establish a shared agenda, ask better questions, and show up with intent. Over time, you’ll turn your 1:1s into the highest-leverage meetings on your calendar.

Further Reading

The Manager’s Path by Camille Fournier

A practical guide for engineering leaders at every stage, this book covers the journey from individual contributor to CTO. Fournier offers actionable advice on running effective 1:1s, building trust, and developing your team.